pride month 2025: On queering midwifery
This Pride Month is really not like any other I’ve celebrated. Pride has always been a protest for me — since my first Pride in 1997, I believe — and this year, as trans people across the US have found ourselves in the crosshairs of more legislation aiming to erase us than ever before, is no different.
As a queer person living in Illinois — and as a healthcare provider for our community — I feel shielded from much of the worst of this. Compared to other states where vicious legal obstacles to gender-affirming education and healthcare (not to mention bathrooms, sheesh), I get to live in a bit of a bubble. I would also be remiss not to mention the tremendous privileges I enjoy as a white person in a city that is still the deadliest place in the country for Black trans women.
All of this is to say that in this context, I have the coolest job! And a heavy one.
This Pride month, I’ve heeded the call to be more out in my professional world, and it feels both scary and powerful.
Queer is beautiful.
Trans is beautiful.
Breaking the gender binary is beautiful.
And saying those things out loud in the home birth world just isn’t done enough — and I’m here to do just that: queer home birth midwifery. I’m not alone in this — so many incredible birth workers are doing this all over the world. But I am here to do it in my way, in my place.
Here’s what it means to me.
Always, always, always use inclusive language about birth and birth work. Unless you’re a troglodyte that doesn’t believe that women or mothers are people (“feminism is the radical notion that women are people,” duh), referring to the person giving birth/the pregnant person as a person is important!
Guess what?! Some babies get two mothers. So which one are you referring to? Get specific.
Guess what?! Not all pregnant people are women! Trans guys and trans masc non-binary folks and gender-fluid folks get pregnant too. Recognizing that the gender expression and identity of someone who gets pregnant is real and valid and personal to them is a basic form of respect.
Guess what?! Birthing folks have names! I haaaaaate the default of birthing folks being called “mom,” “mama,” “mother” either in a chart, between providers, or when coaching in labor. Yes! Of course we may identify that way (fun fact: I’m a mom — though sometimes prefer to refer to myself as a parent!), but reducing a birthing person to “mama” in the birth space isn’t as personal as referring to them by their name. This is, again, what midwifery (and nursing, since I’m an Advanced Practice Nurse) can do at its best — and especially in community midwifery (outside of the hospital) where we are providing individualized care, we have no excuse for making our clients into generic categories.
Example, in the hospital: Room 1 needs a new IV —> Improved: Sarah, in room 1, needs a new IV
Example, in any birth: “Come on, mama, you can do it!” —> Improved: “Come on, Drea, you can do it!”
Example, in a midwife’s labor chart: “Mom changed position to hands/knees” —> Improved: “Maria changed position to hands/knees”
Guess what?! The only thing inherent to the gender of birth or birth work is how that person experiences it. Pregnancy and birth are no more inherently “feminine” than, say, certain hairstyles, clothes, or anything else.
Embracing the uniqueness of the experience for each person is essential for individualized and safe care. We know that pregnancy and birth can be very dysphoric experiences for trans folks, but when birth workers generate a gender-open space, we can cultivate gender neutrality and increased safety for trans and gender-diverse pregnant and birthing folks.
Yup, there are male, non-binary, trans, and two-spirit, etc. doulas, labor nurses, midwives, and OBs. Celebrate gender diversity in birth work, and more individuals and families can receive care that is appropriate for them. Advocate for inclusive greetings and call-ins in birth work spaces (“hello, wise ones,” vs. “hello, ladies”)
Guess what?! People’s relationship with their gender expression or identity can change over time. Signaling gender inclusivity is a way to promote safety for folks on their journey. Isn’t midwifery about meeting folks where they are at? You can’t do that if you only speak about birth and birth work as relevant to women and mothers.
Be out! As a queer midwife, there are aspects of queer pregnancy, birth, and parenthood that I am uniquely able to understand and relate to that a straight midwife cannot. Queer and trans folks deserve access to care from someone proudly from our community, and I want folks to be able to find me and know that this unique support is available.
Show up! In all I do, I support the principles of reproductive justice, as elaborated by Black feminists: the human right to maintain personal bodily autonomy, have children, not have children, and parent the children we have in safe and sustainable communities. Queer and trans people deserve these rights, and birth workers in our communities safeguard these through showing up for all marginalized communities: BIPOC, disabled, immigrant, fat, colonized, etc.
Keep on meeting people where they are at.
I don’t offer blood tests without medical benefit, such as ones to find out if baby has a y chromosome. But I do offer folks the option of adding that information to a medically indicated test such as non-invasive prenatal testing (NIPT/NIPS).
I ask clients to let me know what pronouns they will use for their baby, rather than assume based on any information we get during pregnancy or at the birth. I respect parents’ preferences and don’t impose my views.
I love Pride month. There’s nothing like having a month that celebrates the beauty of queerness. And there’s nothing like the privilege of supporting queer and trans birth, health, and birth/health work (and rights!) all year long. Happy Pride, lovelies!
